Lesson #8 From My Year by the Water: Figure Out Your NEXT and Start Doing it NOW

I had an opportunity to speak for a national convention on the topic of "Is the Light On In Your Eyes?" The conference theme was "Reflections on Success" and I started by saying many of us spend more time reflecting on what movie to watch this weekend than on what we're going to do with the rest of our life. Sound familiar?

Many of the people in the audience were successful entrepreneurs who have so many different projects and people counting on them, they feel they can't take time off. Many work 60-70 hour weeks and haven't taken a vacation for years. Some are ready to retire, but can't imagine what they're going to do NEXT that could be as satisfying and productive as what they're currently doing.

I told them we were going to spend the next ninety minutes reflecting on what's working, what's not and what we're going to do about it NEXT. I shared a quiz that can help anyone figure out in 4 minutes what's supporting their happiness, what's sabotaging it.

One of the options we talked about is how to make our passion - what puts the light on in our eyes - part of our profession. Many people told me they're too "busy" to do the hobbies that used to bring them joy. I told them, they can COMBINE their recreation WITH their work in a win-win way - instead of seeing them as being mutually exclusive.

Here's what I mean.

Several years ago, I had the pleasure of sharing breakfast with Ivan Misner, founder of BNI, the largest networking organization in the world. After hearing about my full calendar of #speaking, #consulting and #traveling, he asked, "What do you do for fun?"

Long pause. I finally dug deep and came up with "I walk my dog around the lake."

Please don't get me wrong. I love what I do and I am grateful to have the opportunity to do work with smart talented people who are making a positive difference in the world ... it's just that I was going 24/7.

That conversation and several other wake-up calls motivated me to set out on a Year by the Water. I didn't abandon my business ... I just took it on the road. As James Taylor said when he took a break from touring to compose new lyrics and produce a new album; "I didn't quit work - I did a different kind of work. " I went from non-stop productivity to full-time creativity. I did the opposite of my always and the contrast filled me with joy.

What I learned on my travels is that you don't have to be torn between two worlds - you can have the best of both worlds. You don't have to put aside what puts the light on in your eyes - you can integrate it into your work so you feel more balanced and blessed. You don't have to lose your "hobby" because you're always working, you can leverage your hobby to make your work fun and productive.

Want an example of how this works?

When I lived on#Maui, I had a friend named Kathy who was a 4.5 tennis player and a Realtor. We played a couple times a week until the economy slumped and she told me she was too bus" finding clients to play tennis anymore.

I suggested her hobby wasn't an indulgence she do only when she had spare time - it was a competitive edge that could give her access to ideal clients. I suggested she approach the concierges at the Four Seasons and Grand Wailea Resort (both 5 diamond properties catering to affluent travelers - Kathy's target demographic) and let them know they could recommend her to guests looking for a good game of singles. They eagerly did this because Kathy had lived on the island for years, was a respected member of the community, and they trusted her to make this a good experience for their resort guests.

This turned into a win for everyone. Within a month, Kathy was back to playing tennis 3-5 times a week AND had several new clients buying houses. She didn't offend anyone with hard selling. It was natural while sharing an iced-tea after a satisfying match for guests to ask "What do you do?" When they found out she was a Realtor, they'd often ask if she had any available properties for a good price. Not only was Kathy back to being active outside doing something she loved - it became an organic marketing tool that kept her visible and became her secret sauce to success in a down market.

Want other ways to figure out how you can integrate your passion into your profession and keep the light on in your eyes? Want to leverage your years of experience into a new NEXT that makes a positive difference for all involved?

I'm working on a book that shows how to do that, and will be sharing some of the steps on my www.SamHorn.com site and on my LinkedIn page.

You're invited to check out these sample posts to access some of the specific steps on how to create a unique niche ... and shape work you love that matters NOW, not someday ... so you're creating a life-work integration that is personally and professionally satisfying.

Hope you'll visit those sites. You will never regret clarifying what's important to you and bringing more of that into your life ... you will only regret not doing it sooner.

Four FAQ's from Sam's Year by the Water

Robin Gerber says, "Don’t look back. We’re not going that way." I think it’s okay, even enlightening, to look back if the reflections lead to epiphanies. So, as I wrap up my final day on My Year by the Water watching the sun rise over Diamond Head and going for a swim in the gentle ocean here in Hawaii, I reflect on the many blessed adventures and insights from the past 15 months.

I smile as I think of the same four questions I heard again and again, regardless of where I was or who I was with.

1. “Don’t you ever get lonely?”

Nope, I never felt lonely. I felt … connected. My family and friends were with me, even when they weren't with me. Plus, I agree with Beth Buelow who said, “I’m not anti-social; I’m pro solitude.” I loved having autonomy and a road of my own. I felt connected to LIFE.

2. “How did you get to be so brave?”

I never thought of it as brave. Thanks to riding horses when I grew up, I learned how to be resourceful when things went wrong. Your bridle breaks? You get bucked off? Figure it out! As a result, I see the world as a safe vs. a dangerous place. I trust I'll be able to handle whatever happens. Being adventurous, exploring new places, doesn’t scare me, it thrills me.

3. “What’s been your favorite place?”

It isn’t the places I remember. It’s the experiences. Swimming with Zach the dolphin and watching him LEAP into the air into a triple back flip will always be one of my favorite memories.

But often, it was the quiet moments that left the greatest impression.

Like the time I was driving from Houston to California. I had already criss-crossed the country three times and had vowed NOT to go through El Paso or take HWY 10, ever again. So, I’m on back-roads. Every time I get to a cross-roads, I simply take whatever road heads west. Many people think Texas is dry and barren, but its famous hill country after a rain can surprise you with sweeping vistas of green. I am driving at my favorite time of day, golden hour, the gentle moments just before the sun goes down. I crest a hill and discover a golden field spread out in front of me stretching to the horizon. I pull over and step out into a vast silence. The only sound is a soft breeze through the tree next to me. I am immersed in this magical moment, deeply glad to be there, grateful to be alive.

4. “So, when are you going to settle down?”

Every time I was asked that, I thought, “’Settle’ means compromise. ‘Down’ means depressed. Why would I do that?” But then my sons and their lady loves have new babies on the way and they’ve invited me to come stay with them in Colorado and NYC.

As Bilbo Baggins says, “I am quite ready for another adventure.” I know it's a gift that Tom, Patty, Andrew and Miki want me to be part of their lives. I want to honor that gift, and I am ready and eager for the adventure of grandmother-hood. Receive, receive, receive. Revel, revel, revel.

By the way, the most common reaction I got when people found out I was on my Year by the Water?

“Gee, I wish I could do something like that” or “Someday, I’d like to ….” and then people would fill in their dream, their own version of the adventure they’ve always wanted to take.

When it was appropriate, I would share these three quotes.

“The problem is, you think you have time.” - the Buddha

“One day, you’re going to wake up and there won’t be any time left to do the things you’ve always wanted to do.” – Paulo Coelho

"If you want more luck; take more chances." - Brian Tracy

I would gently suggest that instead of assuming they’ll be able to fulfill that dream or take that adventure LATER; they take a chance on themselves, jump-start their SerenDestiny and start doing a little more of what puts the light on in their eyes ... now, not someday.

Want more epiphanies from my Year by the Water? My book There is No Present Like the Time, featuring adventures and insights from my Year by the Water, will be available in early 2018. Sample chapters include:

• Stop Watering Dead Plants

• Water You Waiting For?

• Why Am I Driving into a Hurricane?

• Start with an OPEN Mind, not the END in Mind

• Jumping off the Aircraft Carrier

• We CAN Go Home Again

• Leave Room for Whims

* Why Limit Happy to an Hour?

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Sam Horn, Founder/CEO of the Intrigue Agency, is on a mission to help people create quality, one-of-a-kind projects that add value for all involved. Her work - including her TEDx talk and books Tongue Fu!, POP! and Washington Post bestseller Got Your Attention? - have been featured in the NY Times and presented to Cisco, Boeing, Intel.

People Can't Jump On Your Bandwagon If It's Parked in the Garage

“If you don’t go, you’ll never know.” – Robert De Niro

Many of us operate with the opposite of Robert De Niro’s insight.

If we don’t know; we don’t go. The problem with that?

By definition, anytime we try something for the first time, anytime we launch a new venture ... we DON’T KNOW what we’re doing.

If “knowing what we’re doing” is a prerequisite for moving forward … we never move forward.

Yikes.That’s where GTS comes in. What’s GTS? Let me explain.

A year after my son Andrew graduated from VA Tech with a business degree, we were having dinner.

Andrew had “lucked out” and found a job as an executive recruiter. He was the envy of his college buddies because he was working in a classy downtown office building, making good money and working for a respected, well-connected industry icon who was arranging for him to do neat things like work at events with President Obama and Tony Bennett. Not the normal career trajectory.

Yet, as Andrew talked about his work, I could tell the light had gone out in his eyes. There was no spark. In fact, he used a word I’d never heard him use before. Exhausted.

I asked, “So, are you going down to VA Tech this weekend for Homecoming?”

“Nah. By the time I’d drive down there, I’d only have a few hours before I’d have to turn around and come back. I just don’t have the energy. I’m exhausted.”

Exhausted?!? How could that be? How was it this normally energetic 20-something who "had it all" was feeling burned out?

I asked, “Andrew, what’s up?”

He said, “Mom, I want to quit. I'm grateful for this job, but sitting inside all day at a computer researching job openings and making cold calls is not what I was born to do.”

“What do you want to do?”

Andrew said with a huge smile,. “I want to start a non-profit.”

I have to admit, a conservative person I didn’t even know existed in me popped up and perched on the tip of my tongue. This person wanted to say, “Non-profit?! Do you know how many non-profits are going out of business because donations have dried up? How are you going to pay bills? What about health insurance?”

Thank heaven a wiser voice in me prevailed that asked, “Isn’t this exactly what 20-somethings ought to be doing at this stage of their life?. If Andrew doesn’t go for what he wants now, he may never get a chance later. Good for him for wanting to do work that matters. His dream deserves to be supported, not shut down.”

So, instead of bringing up all the reasons this might not work, I said, “Andrew, you’ve always been resourceful. If you apply yourself and put your mind to it, I know you can pull this off.”

You may be thinking, “But how could Andrew pull this off? He’d never run a non-profit before. He doesn't even know what it takes to make this a success.”

That’s true, and that’s where GTS comes in. GTS stands for Google That Stuff. (As you can imagine, Millennials sometimes substitute another word for stuff.)

Andrew thanked his boss for giving him that job opportunity right out of college – and then promptly got online and Googled “How can I start a non-profit?”

Up came dozens of resources – all telling Andrew exactly what steps he needed to take to "get his bandwagon out of the garage" - how to get a license, develop operating procedures, find a team, develop a website and get funding.

In the course of one year, Andrew recruited 20 (!) interns and found a collaborative work space at the Affinity Lab in Washington DC. It was the ideal environment to get other people on his bandwagon. For example, someone a couple desks over would ask, “Andrew, what are you working on today?”

Andrew would say, “I’m applying for a grant,” and she would say, “Oh, I did that last year. You can borrow my grant proposal and use it as a template.”

Or, he'd admit he'd run into an obstacle finding a location for one of his activities, and that person would say, "Here's the phone number of ____. Call her and let her know I referred you to her." Voila, That lead was exactly what he needed to jump the chain of command and arrange for a water-sports event at a local lake park.

Andrew never had to go it alone as he was surrounded by others who shared and supported his vision and had his back … and front.

The result? Dreams for Kids/DC has sponsored hundreds of adaptive athletic programs for kids with disabilities and gotten them off the sidelines and into the games of life. They have sponsored Extreme Recess clinics with the Washington Nationals, Capitals, Wizards, Mystics and United soccer teams, and made a positive difference for thousands of young people through their Dream Leader programs in schools and their annual Holiday for Hope program at Howard University.

The point? None of this would have happened if Andrew had given up before he started because he ... “didn’t know what he was doing.”

If there’s anything I’ve learned after interviewing hundreds of people about how they set their SerenDestiny in motion – it’s that PEOPLE CAN’T JUMP ON YOUR BANDWAGON IF ITS PARKED IN THE GARAGE.

What do you want to do? What would put the light on in your eyes? Are you hesitating because you don’t know what to do?

Remember – you don’t have to know to go. In fact, the only way you'll ever know is to go.

Get online right now and GTS that dream project that would put the light on in your eyes. . Phrase what you want to do as a question and put it into your favorite search engine – and up will come dozens of resources to help you on your way.

Want to write a book? Google "How can I write a book?"

What to become a ballroom dancer? Google "Where can I take ballroom dance lessons in this zip code?

Want to launch your own business? Google "How can I start my own ___ and then fill in the blanks, e.g., dog walking business, web design business?

Want this year to be your best ever? Want the light on in your eyes? Don't wait until you have all your ducks in a row. GO! GTS what you want to do. And then get your bandwagon (your dream project) out of the garage and get moving.

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Want an update on Andrew Horn? After ensuring the continued leadership of DFK-DC, he has launched a new "bandwagon." Check out TRIBUTE

Want more insights on how to get your bandwagon out of the garage? Check out other posts on Sam Horn's website SERENDESTINY which shares inspiring lessons-learned from her Year by the Water and tips on how you can create a love you love that matters.

Five Ways to Focus on What Matters Most

As 17-time Emcee of the Maui Writers Conference, I had the opportunity to talk with Poet Laureate W. S. Merwin under a gentle night sky at the Presenters Reception of our first Maui Writers Conference. 

The private reception was held on a white sand beach under a full moon. I had just written a book on Concentration   and asked Merwin, (our opening keynoter),“How do you define concentration? How has it played a role in your life?”

He told me that understanding the importance of concentration prompted his pivotal decision to move to Hawaii. I’m paraphrasing here because I did not write down what he said (that’ll teach me …-)

The gist of his decision was that he and his wife Paula knew that continuing to live in NYC meant they would be surrounded by distractions and temptations that would pull him away from the work he was born to do.

As an in-demand winner of a National Book Award and two Pulitzer Prizes, every night brought invitations to readings, dinners and charity balls. Merwin realized it would be oh-so easy to become part of the “glitterati.”

Merwin concluded his work as a poet would suffer as a consequence, so he and Paula made a bold move to Maui to raise palm trees and live a simpler life so they could focus on their true priorities. As he so eloquently said:

“I love both the city and country. But when I was in the city, I thought about the country all the time. And when I was in the country, I thought about the city some of the time. So, now, I live in the country … and go to the city sometimes.”

There's a man who knows what is important to him. A man who intentionally created a life where he is freer to focus on his top priority. He removed himself from an environment that would pull him off track and intentionally sought out an environment that was congruent with being creatively productive.

I’ve come to believe this is one of the biggest challenges – and opportunities – we face as IDEApreneurs and entrepreneurs. Our environment helps us or hurts us when it comes to “taking our work seriously.” If we are in an environment that surrounds us with temptations and distractions, our SerenDestiny® project may get delayed and/or never get out the door.

What do I mean by SerenDestiny®? It is leading a life where the light is on in our eyes. It’s a result of doing what we love most and do best. It's what happens when we take responsibility for sharing our creative gifts with the world.

Are you taking your creative career, SerenDestiny® project and legacy work seriously?

I’ve come to believe it is not selfish to sequester ourselves and become a less public person. If we truly believe our work will add value to the world, then it is up to us to stay focused on it instead of frittering away our time and talent on “lesser” activities that, in the long run, won’t contribute to the greater good.

This means setting boundaries and saying “No" to tempting requests for our time, attention and talent that won’t move our priority projects forward. You may be thinking, “I agree with this in theory, but it’s tough to do in practice.”

Agreed. Which is why I think each of us need to create clear, measurable policies about what we will and won’t commit to. Here are a few of my best-practice policies you can put into place to “Create A Cocoon of Concentration” to stay focused on what matters most so you FINISH it and get it out in the world.

1. REDUCE time online. Check your digital devices ONCE in the afternoon and AFTER you finish work instead of ALL DAY, EVERY DAY.

A recent study by MIT reveals we check our phone more than 100 times a day.  That is a misuse of time that could and should be spent on completing higher-priority work that will add value in the world.

2. Devote the morning to your SerenDestiny® project. I call this WAKE AND WORK.

Wake and Work means exactly what you think it means. Do not pass GO. Do not collect $200. Don’t watch the news. Get up, walk the dog, grab your cup of coffee or tea … and then GET TO WORK.

Devoting your early-morning-energy to SerenDestiny® projects leverages that clarity that only comes when you’re not juggling multiple tasks. Tackle other tasks only after you have something tangible (two pages?) to show for your efforts. This sets up a feeling of accomplishment that makes you eager to come back and pick up where you left off.

3. Find Your Third Place.

The science of Ergonomics (the study of how our environment influences our effectiveness) states that your home is your First Place and your office is your Second Place. If you run a business out of your home, that’s your First and Second Place.

Ergonomic experts say it’s almost impossible to stay focused on creative projects in your First and Second Place because your environment keeps reminding you of the household chores or work tasks you customarily do in that space.

Your Third Place (i.e., a nearby coffee shop or a table in the back of your local library) is a public place where you get to work in private … in public. Instead of looking at a blank page and stalling because you have no energy, you get to piggy-back off the energy of others in the room. You’re more likely to achieve that sublime stream-of-conscious state of FLOW where you’re blissfully immersed in your project because you’re interruption and interference free.

Furthermore, does the name Pavlov ring a bell? If you commit to only working on your priority project in your Third Place; it sets up a ritualistic cocoon of concentration where you walk in, sit down and the faucet of flow opens up. The words will come out so fast, your fingers will hardly be able to keep up.

Many clients tell me their Third Place is their saving grace. It's the only time they're able to temporarily escape their other responsibilities and maketheirpersonal priority their top priority.

4. Announce an email sabbatical.

What are you here to do?  Are you frittering time away on things that won't matter in the long run?

Create an “Out of Office” response so people emailing you receive a friendly yet clear, “Thank you for getting in touch. I am working on my ( … fill in the blank …) this (Day? Week? Month?) and will be answering emails once a week each Monday. If this is an emergency or business communication, please contact my assistant who will happily help you. Thank you for understanding. I’m excited about finishing this (what project?) and look forward to launching it into the world. Your support is appreciated.”

5. Establish an across-the-board policy you won’t meet people for meals on weekdays. Or, offer to meet for a walk-talk in a park so you get outside, stay fit AND stay connected with friends.

You may worry you’re going to offend someone by taking yourself off the grid. You might want to ask yourself, “Am I supporting, everyone else’s priorities … at the cost of my own?” It is our responsibility to think big on our behalf … and to think long on our behalf.

What is the long-term cost of being available to other people 24/7? I am not suggesting we become a hermit. W.S. Merwin isn’t a hermit; he is simply selective about how often he takes time away from his work to be available to the public. He simply balances demands on his attention with his dedication to his poetry – which keeps the light on in his eyes and keeps him contributing at his highest level.

How about you? Is this the year you get your dream project out of your head and into the world where it can make a positive difference for others and a prosperous living for you?

My mom used to tell me, "A year from now, you'll wish you had started today." True dat.

You might want to print this out and post it where you'll see it every day to remind yourself that the ball is in your court to focus on what matters most ... today and every day, not someday.

Want more tips on how to F.O.C.U.S on what you want, when you want? Click here.

Want these techniques taught to your employees or association members? You're invited to contact my business manager Cheri Grimm at Cheri@intrigueAgency.com to discuss your group's priorities and to arrange for Sam to speak at your conference.