Is Work Running Your Life?

“One of the symptoms of an approaching nervous breakdown is the belief that one’s work is terribly important.” – Bertrand Russell Are you overwhelemed and overworked? Burning the candle on both ends?

Several years ago, I had breakfast with Dr. Ivan Misner and his wife Beth. Ivan founded BNI, one of the world’s largest networking organizations. His wife Beth is author of Healing Begins in the Kitchen.

While getting caught up, I told them about all the different business activities I had going on.

Ivan said, “Sam, sounds like a full calendar. What do you do for fun?”

I told him, “I agree with Katherine Graham of the Washington Post. She said, ‘To do what you love and feel that it matters; how could anything be more fun?’ The only thing that could be more fun is to do work we love, feel it matters and do it with people we enjoy and trust. That’s what I get to do.”

He paused and then said, “Sam, I think you’re dodging the question. What do you do just for fun?”

Long pause. I finally came up with, “Hmmm, well, I walk my dog around the lake.”

He just looked at me. He didn’t even have to say anything. Even then I knew that was a pathetic answer.

I’m not alone with being too busy to have fun.

An excellent 2014 Time.com article by Eric Barker reported that in surveys, people say they’re “too busy to make friends outside the office, too busy to date, sleep, have lunch, even too busy to have sex.”

Why are we doing this to ourselves? Why are we letting work run our life?

Why, when someone asks, “How are you doing?” is the first word out of our mouth often ... “Busy.”

Is it because we need to feel productive, important, useful?

Probably all of that.

But there’s something else going on.

Some of us are afraid to have fun.

It seems frivolous. Indulgent. Like we don’t have anything “better” to do with our time.

Somewhere along the line we got the message that fun is something we do only when our work is done.

Since, for many of us, our work is never done, that leaves no time for fun.

Some people call this the Puritan or Protestant Work Ethic.

Dr. David Burns defines this as the belief that “My worth as a human being is proportional to what I have achieved in my life.’ That may sound innocent, but it is ultimately counterproductive and toxic because it means our work ethic determines whether we feel we’ve earned personal worth and the right to be happy.

Sound like anyone you know?

All I know is that the conscious or subconscious belief that “Work is the holy grail and the secret sauce to success" is having a devastating impact on our health, relationships and quality of life.

That is not just my opinion.

Study after study shows the devastating impact of working longer hours, taking work home with us, of being so consumed with our job that “52% of us don’t take our full paid vacation.”

I’m not making that up. That’s a confirmed statistic reported by CNBC.

The author of that Time.com article, Eric Barker, interviewed many psychologists who told him their burned-out clients can’t shake the notion that the ‘busier they are, the more they’re thought of as competent, smart, successful, admired, even envied.’”

The toll of that kind of thinking?

Dr. Ed Hallowell, former Harvard University Professor and author of Driven to Distraction, says he’s witnessed an upsurge of the number of people who complain of being chronically inattentive, disorganized and overbooked. Many come to him wondering if they have ADD. He says, "While some do, most do not. Instead, they have what I called a severe case of modern life.”

What I know personally is that back then, (before I launched my Year by the Water), I didn’t have any time, energy or bandwidth left over for friends, hobbies and sports.

The answer to this?

Free up time for fun.

Play dates aren’t just for kids.

Figure out what puts the light on in your eyes and bring it back into your life.

Get crystal clear about what makes you happy, what helps you laugh and love life, and schedule it on your calendar.

To help you do that - because it may mean overcoming years of habitual workoholism - I’ve curated my favorite quotes about the importance of freeing up time for fun.

You might want to print these out and post them where you’ll see them every day.

Next time you’re about to postpone that family vacation or date night because you’re overloaded with “work,” ask yourself, "What is most important to me? What will matter in the long run?"

Next time you’re about to cancel a walk in a park, a hike in Nature, playing a sport, engaging in a hobby or spending time with friends because you’re “too busy,” look at these quotes and honor that play date.

Remember the saying from years ago, “No one on their deathbed ever said, ‘I wish I’d spent more time at work?’”

Keep that in mind next time you’re about to choose your job over joy. Remember what the Buddha said, "The thing is, we think we have time." Spend your valuable time on what will make you feel most alive.

Have you overcome a compulsion to be busy? Have you created a better balance between work and play? Plese share your experience. I know I'd love to hear it and so would others. Who knows? Your insights may be the right words at the right time for someone to get clarity about this important issue.

Quotes to Remember that Fun isn’t Frivolous, It’s the Secret Sauce to Health and Happiness

1. “Never underestimate the importance of having fun. I am going to have fun every day I have left. You have to decide whether you’re a Tigger and or Eyore.” –Randy Pausch, The Last Lecture

2. “Work without love is slavery.” – Mother Teresa

3. “Of all the things that truly matter, getting more things done is not one of them.” – Mike Dooley

4. “This is the real secret of life – to be completely engaged with what you are doing in the here and now. And instead of calling it work, realize it is play.” – Alan Watts

5. “At the end of the day, if I can say I had fun, it was a good day.” – Simone Biles

6. “Laughter is the closest distance between two people.” – Victor Hugo

7. “If you want things to be different, perhaps the answer is to be different yourself.” – Norman Vincent Peale

8. “Everybody needs beauty as well as bread, places to play in and pray in, where nature may heal and give strength to body and soul.” – John Muir

9. “Finding your passion isn’t just about careers and money. It’s about finding your authentic self. The one buried under everyone’s else’s needs.” – Kristin Hannah

10. “Fun is one of the most underrated ingredients in any successful venture. If you’re not having fun, it’s probably time to call it quits and try something else.” – Richard Branson

11. “Success is not about obtaining money or stuff. It is absolutely about the amount of joy you feel.” – Esther Hicks

12. “We don’t stop playing because we get old. We get old because we stop playing.” – George Bernard Shaw

13. “The truth is, existence wants your life to be a festival.” – Osho

14. “If you can laugh at it, you can live with it.” – Erma Bombeck

15. “In the name of God, stop a moment, cease your work, look around you.”- Leo Tolstoy

Lesson #10. It Wasn't a Mid-Life Crisis; It was Mid-Life Clarity

When I announced my plans to embark upon my Year by the Water adventure, most people were happy for me and said something along the lines of, “Take me with you!” A few, however, expressed “concerns. A meeting planner cautioned me with, “Sam, I hope you know you’re taking a risk by taking yourself off the grid. You need to control this story or the business you’ve worked so hard to build may not be here when you come back. You know, you can’t put the genie back in the bottle.”

A highly successful investor told me, "I'm envious, but I could never just do nothing. I'd go crazy if I didn't work."

Another wanted to know, “Is something wrong?” In other words, “Are you sick, on your deathbed or just having a mid-life crisis?”

I listened to their concerns, and then assured them my decision to take my business on a road trip wasn’t a mid-life CRISIS, it was mid-life CLARITY. I was clear that:

I wasn’t QUITTING work – I was doing a different KIND of work.

I wasn’t doing NOTHING – I was doing SOMETHING that put the light on in my eyes just thinking about it.

There wasn’t anything WRONG with my life – I was taking steps to create a more RIGHT life.

And I certainly wasn’t going to hide this from my business community, I was going to invite them to come along so they could vicariously experience the adventures and insights with me.

What helped me get this mid-life clarity?

Well, a lot of things. One was something my son Andrew told me. Another was a health scare and the doctor warning me I better take better care of myself or my body would do something more drastic to get my attention.

Another was a variety of quotes that served as wake-up calls and motivated me to “get a move on.”

They included Paulo Coelho’s sober reminder, “One day you’re going to wake up and there won’t be any time left to do the things you’ve always wanted to do.”

Another was my clarity of how fortunate I am to be in a position to answer what called me.

I’m not one of the 65 million people (29% of the U.S. population) taking care of a chronically ill, disabled or aged friend or family member. I can operate my business from anywhere. And while I’m not independently wealthy, I’m wealthy in what matters. I have the health, freedom and autonomy to disrupt my life and do things differently.

There was nothing holding me back … so I took eighteen months to swim with dolphins, watch the sun rise over Diamond Head, take a photography workshop in Monet’s Garden, sail the Chesapeake Bay, drive the back-roads of America (and almost over a cliff on California’s Pacific Coast Highway) ... write about my experiences and epiphanies.

I will always be grateful for that adventure. It was one of the most deeply satisfying experiences of my life.

What I didn't anticipate was My Year by the Water ended up NOT being about the water.

Yes, I visited some of nature's wonders - oceans, waterfalls, mountain streams - but what made this experience so memorable and pivotal wasn't the places I visited; it was the disruptive epiphanies that challenged everything I thought I knew about what it takes to lead a meaningful life.

Aristotle said, “An unexamined life is not worth living."

Well, after going 24/7 for the past few decades, this trip gave me the time and space to reflect on my life.

What I discovered, much to my surprise, was that many of my life-long beliefs and behaviors like “It’s better to give than receive” and “Winners never quit and quitters never win” "Hard work is the secret to success" – were not contributing to a quality life; they were compromising it.

As a result of having time to examine what was working, what wasn’t and what I was going to do differently; my life has been enriched in ways that are better than I could have imagined.

I know you’re busy and may not have the incentive or resources to take a road trip.The good news? You don’t have to quit your job, win the lottery, get a divorce or walk away from your obligations to embark upon a "virtual" road trip. In my upcoming book Chase Meaning Not Clicks, you can vicariously experience those put-you-in-the-scene adventures in short chapters, all which can be read in under 10 minutes.

What's even better, ou don't have to wait for the book to come out in early 2018 to benefit from those insights. Here are my top ten lessons-learned. Hope they give you the CLARITY, incentive and inspiration to do more of what puts the light on in your eyes starting today ... not someday.

1. A Life We Love Is Often One Small Change Away

2. We’re Not Torn Between Two Worlds – We Have the Best of Both Worlds

3. Why Do We Keep Driving Into Hurricanes?

4. If We’re Lonely, We’re Not Paying Attention

5. Courage Is Trusting We Can Figure Things Out Along the Way

6. It’s Not Selfish To Put Yourself in Your Own Story

7. There Is No Present Like The Time To Do More of What Puts The Light On In Your Eyes

8. Figure Out What You Want to Do NEXT and Start Doing It NOW

9. Fun Is Not a Four-Letter Word

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One of the great joys of my life is having the opportunity to share my adventures/insights at conferences. If you're planning a program and would like a presentation that gives your participants an opportunity to connect, reflect, and identify what they can do to stop waiting and start creating a life where the light is on in their eyes, contact Cheri@IntrigueAgency.com. It'd be a pleasure and a privilege to share these inspiring stories with your group so they're creating the quality of life and work they want now, not someday.

Lesson #9 From My Year by the Water: Fun Is Not a Four-Letter Word

When people ask what prompted me to give away 95% of what I owned and take off for a Year by the Water, I often tell them what Andrew said, “Mom, you’re created a life where you can do anything you want, and you’re not taking advantage of it.” He helped me realize the clock is ticking. Not in a morbid way. In a motivating way. But I was also ready to do the opposite of my always. I love my work, but I was pretty much going-going-going seven days a week. I was exhausted. (Sound familiar?)

Then, like many busy people I know, I came down with a respiratory illness that wouldn’t get better. I “soldiered through” for weeks (got to keep my commitments, right?) until I was so sick I could hardly get out of bed.

A friend took me to Urgent Care. After checking my lungs, the doc diagnosed walking pneumonia, prescribed bed rest and antibiotics, and then said, “I don’t understand why so many people are working themselves to death. You’re lucky we can treat this with a Z-pack. You’ll be fine in ten days. But if you don’t start taking better care of yourself, your body will do something else to get your attention.”

Hmm. What is it with this Puritan Work Ethic? Why do so many of us believe hard work is noble? Why do 55% of Americans NOT take all their paid vacation days? (Fact!) Why do so many of us feel it’s only okay to “play” when all our work is done? Since, for many of us, our work is never done, we never find time to have fun. We just get more and more run down.

I’m supposed to know better than this.

Guess what my major was in college? Recreation Administration! Career counselors kept suggesting I study law or medicine to make the most of my brain, but I grew up playing sports and believed they're at the center of a happy, healthy life. Even though some people told me this was a “joke degree for slackers,” I worked my way through college coaching swim teams, running community centers, organizing sports leagues and was a walking/talking advocate of the benefits of being active outdoors.

Yet, for a number of reasons, for the past couple of decades, I’ve spent more time sitting and spectating than being active. Let’s unpack that for a moment.

As parents, it’s easy for our days to become filled with chauffeuring kids to practices, games and activities while we sit in the car. on the bleachers or on the sidelines. Yet, when I think about my athletic career growing up, my mom came to one of my swim meets and my dad came to one of my tennis matches. That was it. And I didn’t feel bereft, abandoned or unloved. They had their life, I had mine.

As entrepreneurs, or if we have financial and family care-taking responsibilities, we can be in constant biz dev mode, constant got-to-work two jobs to pay bills mode, or constant “It’s selfish to go off and do something my own thing when my parents, kids, friends, neighbors (fill in the blank) need me.”

One of the most important epiphanies from My Year by the Water is, “It’s NOT SELFISH to do something that makes up happy; it’s SMART. It’s not indulgent or frivolous to do something each week that fills us with joy; it’s an investment in a more fulfilling life ... now and in the years to come.”

Please understand, I’m not suggesting we abandon our obligations and only do what we want. I’m suggesting we balance our responsibility to others with a responsibility to our selves to stay happy, healthy and in love with life.

My Year by the Water was SO MUCH FUN. Swimming with Zach the Dolphin. Seeing the sun rise over Diamond Head while riding the waves off Waikiki. Exploring Monet’s Garden. Reveling in a road of my own. Never knowing what was over the next knoll, around the next bend.

Now that I’m on to my next adventure – spending time with my sons, their wives and their brand new babies – I’ve promised myself to NOT let the rubber band of routine snap back and return to being a desk potato.

Like today, for example. I spent a good eight hours at the computer prepping for consulting appointments and working on my new book; but then the mountains called. A friend told me about Colorado Chautauqua I jumped online and discovered it was less than five miles away. I jumped in my car and fifteen minutes later was hiking the golden foothills, exploring the Flatirons and checking out this historic national landmark -which Theodore Roosevelt called “The Most American Thing in America.

So, here’s to fun NOT being a four-letter word. Here’s to fun being an active part of our life (intentional play on words) so we’re enjoying our lives, taking care of ourselves and making the most of our health … now, not someday.

Lesson #8 From My Year by the Water: Figure Out Your NEXT and Start Doing it NOW

I had an opportunity to speak for a national convention on the topic of "Is the Light On In Your Eyes?" The conference theme was "Reflections on Success" and I started by saying many of us spend more time reflecting on what movie to watch this weekend than on what we're going to do with the rest of our life. Sound familiar?

Many of the people in the audience were successful entrepreneurs who have so many different projects and people counting on them, they feel they can't take time off. Many work 60-70 hour weeks and haven't taken a vacation for years. Some are ready to retire, but can't imagine what they're going to do NEXT that could be as satisfying and productive as what they're currently doing.

I told them we were going to spend the next ninety minutes reflecting on what's working, what's not and what we're going to do about it NEXT. I shared a quiz that can help anyone figure out in 4 minutes what's supporting their happiness, what's sabotaging it.

One of the options we talked about is how to make our passion - what puts the light on in our eyes - part of our profession. Many people told me they're too "busy" to do the hobbies that used to bring them joy. I told them, they can COMBINE their recreation WITH their work in a win-win way - instead of seeing them as being mutually exclusive.

Here's what I mean.

Several years ago, I had the pleasure of sharing breakfast with Ivan Misner, founder of BNI, the largest networking organization in the world. After hearing about my full calendar of #speaking, #consulting and #traveling, he asked, "What do you do for fun?"

Long pause. I finally dug deep and came up with "I walk my dog around the lake."

Please don't get me wrong. I love what I do and I am grateful to have the opportunity to do work with smart talented people who are making a positive difference in the world ... it's just that I was going 24/7.

That conversation and several other wake-up calls motivated me to set out on a Year by the Water. I didn't abandon my business ... I just took it on the road. As James Taylor said when he took a break from touring to compose new lyrics and produce a new album; "I didn't quit work - I did a different kind of work. " I went from non-stop productivity to full-time creativity. I did the opposite of my always and the contrast filled me with joy.

What I learned on my travels is that you don't have to be torn between two worlds - you can have the best of both worlds. You don't have to put aside what puts the light on in your eyes - you can integrate it into your work so you feel more balanced and blessed. You don't have to lose your "hobby" because you're always working, you can leverage your hobby to make your work fun and productive.

Want an example of how this works?

When I lived on#Maui, I had a friend named Kathy who was a 4.5 tennis player and a Realtor. We played a couple times a week until the economy slumped and she told me she was too bus" finding clients to play tennis anymore.

I suggested her hobby wasn't an indulgence she do only when she had spare time - it was a competitive edge that could give her access to ideal clients. I suggested she approach the concierges at the Four Seasons and Grand Wailea Resort (both 5 diamond properties catering to affluent travelers - Kathy's target demographic) and let them know they could recommend her to guests looking for a good game of singles. They eagerly did this because Kathy had lived on the island for years, was a respected member of the community, and they trusted her to make this a good experience for their resort guests.

This turned into a win for everyone. Within a month, Kathy was back to playing tennis 3-5 times a week AND had several new clients buying houses. She didn't offend anyone with hard selling. It was natural while sharing an iced-tea after a satisfying match for guests to ask "What do you do?" When they found out she was a Realtor, they'd often ask if she had any available properties for a good price. Not only was Kathy back to being active outside doing something she loved - it became an organic marketing tool that kept her visible and became her secret sauce to success in a down market.

Want other ways to figure out how you can integrate your passion into your profession and keep the light on in your eyes? Want to leverage your years of experience into a new NEXT that makes a positive difference for all involved?

I'm working on a book that shows how to do that, and will be sharing some of the steps on my www.SamHorn.com site and on my LinkedIn page.

You're invited to check out these sample posts to access some of the specific steps on how to create a unique niche ... and shape work you love that matters NOW, not someday ... so you're creating a life-work integration that is personally and professionally satisfying.

Hope you'll visit those sites. You will never regret clarifying what's important to you and bringing more of that into your life ... you will only regret not doing it sooner.

Is the Light Is On In Your Eyes?

Did you know: * 48% of people say they are tired every single day of the week? * 52% of people feel unappreciated and would quit their job if they could? * that WORK -and the stress leading to it- are now the fifth leading cause of death in the U.S.?

Why are we doing this to ourselves?

I believe it's because "our strength taken to an extreme becomes our Achilles Hell." (Not a typo).

And for many of us, our "strength" is that we want to be a good person. We want to be responsible.

So we go to work and take care of customers and coworkers. We come home and take care of our family. In our community, we take care of friends, neighbors, the people on our church committee, community association board, local sports team or service club.

The question is, are we so busy taking care of everyone else - we have neglected our own priorities, dreams and goals? At what cost?

I believe it's not selfish to do more of what puts the light on in our eyes, it's smart. Here's why I've come to believe it's important to set our SerenDestiny in motion now - not someday.

Several years ago, I had breakfast with Ivan Misner, founder of BNI, (one of the world's largest networking organizations.) After hearing about my full calendar and nonstop travel, he asked, "What do you do for fun?"

Long pause. I finally dug deep and came up with "I walk my dog around the lake."

Please don't get me wrong. I'm grateful to do work I love that matters; it's just that I was going 24/7. (Sound familiar?)

My conversation with Ivan, a health-scare and several other wake-up calls motivated me to do a pattern interrupt.

I gave away 95% of what I owned and took my business on the road for a Year by the Water. I visited oceans, lakes, rivers and waterfalls and wrote about my adventures and insights.

(And yes, I realize how fortunate I am to be at a certain age and stage in my career where I had the freedom, autonomy and wherewithal to do that.)

Do you know what I didn't predict? That my Year by the Water ended up NOT being about the water.

Yes, I swam with dolphins, sailed the Chesapeake Bay and had many memorable times in, on and around the water.

But what turned that trip into a life-changer were the unplanned experiences and disruptive epiphanies that caused me to realize my S.O.P - Standard Operating Procedure - was sadly outdated.

To my surprise, I discovered many of my default beliefs/behaviors - what I thought were right, true, and good - were wrong.

For example, I discovered:

• Hard work is not the secret to success, it's not even close • We need to quit watering dead plants • Fun is not a four-letter word • It's never too late to have a fresh start * Self-sacrifice serves no one • You’ve got to have a dream for a dream to come true

Many of the people I met during my travels told me they felt conflicted, torn, locked into a lifestyle that's nothing like they imagined or expected.

On one hand, they're grateful for their kids, spouse, job, etc.

On the other hand they feel they don't have the freedom to do what makes them happy. The well-meaning model of being responsible to everyone but yourself is producing a generation of unhappy, unhealthy people who are leading a life that is nothing like the one they want and deserve to lead.

It’s time to disrupt what being a “good person," what leading a "good life" looks like.

Rest assured, I am not suggesting we ignore others' needs and think only of our own. I'm suggesting we get clear about our values and priorities - and start creatimg a life that's more in alignment with that NOW, not someday.

What really matters to you – now and in the long run - is deeply personal. Only you can figure out what that is for you.

The good news is, this SERENDESTINY site (and my upcoming book Someday is Not a Day in the Week) can help you start putting yourself back in your own story.

I hope you'll come back and visit frequently. You may find just the right quote, eye-opening insight or inspiring success story to motivate you to do something TODAY that puts the light on in your eyes.

Trust me, you will never regret clarifying what puts the light on in your eyes and bringing more of that into your life; you will only regret not doing it ... sooner.